Matchmaker Matsumoto, Hooked on Sake
by rolf-hitsugaya
Summary: Matsumoto's not been doing her work, and Hinamori suddenly appears at Hitsugaya's office, asking him to play with her, but drags her along to find matsumoto. But, was this all a plan? Has nigahiga video content, called Hooked On Fonik. R&R! HITSUHINA


Well, another boring oneshot. I'm so sorry, I have no life. Forgive me, gomen nasai.

This is a bit based on a Nigahiga video on youtube called Hook on Fonik. It's really funny, you guys should watch it. Not to say mine will be, but...

Okay guys, let's continue. Me no own bleach. If me own, me called Kubo-tite.

AN: TV scenes are **bold** for easy viewing, I guess.

* * *

Hitsugaya was pissed. We all actually know why. Matsumoto was gone, again. This meant he actually, as always, had to finish up all the paperwork. However, this meant he actually never visited anybody. Stupid anti-social. After it was all done, he sat in the sofa, crossing his arms, and turned on the television. He was just casually switching channels when suddenly, a knock on the door startled him.

"Who's there?" his voice returning to his stoic tone.

"Shiro-chan, I'm here." as he brunette slid the door open. The girl took a step in and realised someone was missing. "Rangiku-san is gone, right?"

"Yes. Of course, that lazy woman can't do paperwork for nuts. Come sit and watch television." as she took her seat.

"So, what's on TV?" she asked.

"I don't know, Hinamori. Oh, what's this?" as an advertisement popped up.

**"Hi, is your Lieutenant a drunktard and like this?"the man spoke.**

"Isn't that Nigahiga, the famous hot guy with a hot girlfriend on youtube?" Hinamori asked.

"Erm, yea he's Nigahiga, but the rest, well I'm not so sure... hey, I might find this interesting..." as he glued himself to the television..

**"Sake." one of the cast said when he was asked to read 'Paperwork.'**

**"Dumb drunk." the other guy replied, pissed.**

**"Well, thanks to hooked on paperwork, we'll make the dumb drunk hardworking!" as Nigahiga thumbs upped.  
**

"Shiro-chan?"

"Shh...."

**"What? You know about eve me?(AN: Didn't know how to spell it.)" he spoke in a fluctuating tone.**

**"Well look at our satisfied customer."**

**"Thanks to hooked on paperwork, I do not no longer not be able to not complete paperwork."**

**"Thanks to hooked on paperwork, I can now do paperwork, like a nerd, AKA Toshiro Hitsugaya."**

"What!!" the targeted prodigy exclaimed.

**"Hooked on paperwork taught me how to do paperwork, but then I bought the expansion, 'Hooked on sake' and then I started drinking again."**

"Urgh... sake..." Hitsugaya grumbled.

**"At first I looked like this." showing a picture of Yumichika. What could be worse?**

**"And now, I looked like this." Showing a picture of Ganju Shiba.**

"Eeep!" Hinamori shrieked at the sight of the ugly man.

**"See our satisfied customers?"**

"Nope." Hitsugaya shot back.

**"But that could be you!"**

"Eh?" he stammered.

**"But wait, if you order hooked on paperwork, you'll get free order of watermelon and peaches." both their eyes gleamed in glee.**

**"That's a $14 dollar value, but we're just giving it to you at 13... easy payments of $30.99."**

"What are they crazy!?"

**"But if you call in the next 2.5 seconds, you'll get all of this for free!"**

"Oh, free! What, two poin-" he couldn't finish it, as he stared into the TV.

**"Too late! You slow! Bye!" as the advertisement cut off.**

"Stupid advertisement!" he scowled. "Well, we don't need a stupid advertisement just to find Matsumoto. Come Hinamori let's find her, and force her to do her work."

"But Shiro-chan... I can here to have fun-"

"There's no such thing as fun." he replied coldly. "Being a fuku-taicho means work, work, work. I'm sure you understand, Hinamori."

"Yes, Shiro-chan, bu-"

"It's Captain Hitsugaya. And we captains have to do the work of a fuku-taicho if he/she is a lazy ass."

"But, Shiro-chan! I came here to play with you! You're so stressed, you gotta chillax!"

"Who taught you that word?" Hitsugaya asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Some random shinigami from Singapore."(AN: Me!)

"I can't chill, I got to find Matsumoto. Come on Hinamori!" as he grabbed her hand and dashed out of the office.

_'You boring kid Shiro-chan.'_ Hinamori thought. Unknown to the both of them, there was this very sneaky woman squatting under the window, hearing their conversation. She chuckled a bit as she heard the conversation that occured. Sure, that captain was a boring nerdy retard, but on the other hand, that man had a soft spot for that girl. The best way to get them together? Play a game. And who's the middleman? Or okay, middle woman in this case. Yachiru. The mysterious woman ran away, to initiate her plan...

"Hehehe..." she cackled. "Hehe-Ugk!" she chocked on her sake.

* * *

The two childhood friends first searched the sake shop and when they got there, there happened to be three very familiar faces.

"Kira-kun! Abarai-kun! Hisagi-san!" Hinamori cried out, waving her hand as she ran towards the group at their table. Hitsugaya just shrugged his shoulders and heaved a sigh.

"Hinamori..." Kira said, in a drunk voice.

"Yes, Kira-kun?"

"Drink." he said.

"No, I don't drink." she tried to fight back playfully, but they three men forced her into a seat, and Kira handed her a saucer of sake.

"Take it."

"No I-"

"Just take it Hinamori." Hitsugaya suddenly interrupted."Do you want to prove that you're a woman, or a kid."

"Shi-"

"Hitsugaya Taicho!" he shot back.

"Fine..." she pouted as she took a sip. Hitsugaya turned away, but suddenly a waiter gave him a bottle of that said alchohol.

"Someone asked me to pass this to you, Hitsugaya Taicho." the waiter mumbled.

"Okay, thank you." as he accepted the bottle.

'Strange.' he thought. There's no sake! But wait... there's a letter....

_Let's play a love game._

_I know who you have feelings for._

_However, don't be lame,_

_or else your chance will run out of the door._

"Who the fuck gave me this!?" Hitsugaya cursed under his breath.

"Yo!" a pink-haired girl wearing a cat outfit appeared out of nowhere.

"Ya-"

"No, it's not! I'm a cat. Call me Yoru, nyah."

"Yoru's a boy." he stated clearly.

"It doesn't matter. I am Yoru, the cat matchmaker, nyah. I am going to make you confess to the girl you love, nyah."

"Who does that happen to be?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"HINAMO-"

"Wait! Candy!!" Hitsugaya exclaimed, as he pointed for the bush outside of the shop. The girl immediately dived into it, as he ran to the table.

"Hinamori! Let's go."

"I duwan too..." she whimpered, drunk.

"Oh man... Low tolerance level." he chided, as he grabbed and carried her bridal-style as he ran for the exit. Just then, a paper aerospace landed on his arms. He placed Hinamori on the bench as he opened it.

_Don't try to escape your fate_

_You were destined to be with her_

_Why don't you ask her for a date_

_Or maybe a better offer_

_Why don't you do things to her?_

"Which crazy mother fucker is sending me this!?" he grumbled, but was careful not to wake her up.

"Do... things to her?" he said. "Well, here goes..." as he kissed her cheek.

"Got you!" Hinamori said as she smiled.

"Huh? So, you weren't drunk!?" he exclaimed, eyes wide, and shivering. _'Oh, shit! I kissed her!'_

"Taicho.'' Matsumoto walked into the area. "You, should chillax-''

''Where did you learn that word from?"

"Some Singaporean Shinigami. Anyway, you have been doing so much work, you're not enjoying yourself-"

"That's because you don't do any, and I end up with them." he rebuked.

"That's not the point. You hardly go out, you hardly talk to people, you hardly drink!" she chirped.

"To hell with sake!" he lashed.

"Taicho, you're so mean...'' she cooed. "But anyway, because of this, you never showed your concern and care about Hinamori, because you do not know how to interact."

"I do!"

"No you don't. Go up to that random shinigami and say hi."

"Fine..." he grumbled as he dragged himself to a shinigami wearing a blue sash over his left shoulder.

"Erm...H-h-h- is that a blue sash?" Matsumoto slapped her head.

"Go away!" the shinigami scoffed, as he ran away.

"That was perfect.'' Iba suddenly popped up.(_AN: He needs some love okay!?_)

"Wow, Iba-san." Matsumoto spoke up."When were you here?"

"Since 15 seconds ago." he replied.

"Didn't have to state the obvious..." she grunted. She then saw Hitsugaya miserably walking back. "See, didn't I tell you that, Taicho?"

"Okay, so basically, all you wanted was for me to confess to Hinamori?" he asked.

"Yeap, and we've got the army of merry men!" as the three drunkards came.

"But, they actually aren't supposed to be drunk." Hinamori said. "They were suppose to pretend, like me. I guess they went overboard."

"You could say that." Hitsugaya said.

"Well, Taicho, when are you going to say the magic words?"

"Urusai!" he commanded.

"You made me to do this." she said as he pushed her captain, who's the same height as Hinamori, and their lips met.

"Holy crap!" Renji shrieked.

Hitsugaya was stunned.

Hinamori was shocked.

They kissed.

But that actually felt good.

Not only that, they felt their... souls bond together.

So Hitsugaya kissed her again, this time, a more....loving one.

His lips moved across the surface of hers.

She kissed back.

"So, what do you have to say, Taicho?"

"Hinamori, I love you. I really do. When I first saw you, I was thinking '_Who is this cute girl?_' and then, I never realised I'm going to live with her, play pranks on her, eat with her, and make fun of each other. But, overtime, I grew fondness over you, and decided to protect you."

"Shiro-chan, when I first saw you, I react in the same way. But I never knew we were going to be so bonded together, even when he-who-shall-not-be-named did all those things to me. You protected me, but what did I do for you?"

"Your loving grace on how you cared about me, Momo."

"Aw, thanks, Shiro-chan."

They hugged.

"Oh, Hinamori, how did you make your face red like a drunk?" Hitsugaya asked.

"When I think about you...erm..." she mumbled, playing with her fingers.

"Well, you love each other!" the busty ginger-haired woman chirped.

"Oh, Matsumoto. Extra paperwork." he commanded.

"Aw, man..."

"And thank you." he smiled. "Here's a reward." he threw her a book.

"Hooked on Paperwork?"

"Yes, DO YOUR WORK NOW!!!"

"But, I'm reading hooked on sake, for like, five years." she whined.

"No wonder!" he slapped his head.

* * *

_**Meanwhile...**_

"Not fair! Why do I have to miss out!" Yachiru sulked. She was stuck in the bush. No one heard her.

_**Somewhere else...**_

"Have you all seen Yachiru?" Matsumoto asked the kissing couple.

"Nope."

* * *

Okay, that was a dumb, random one shot.

Hope you all enjoyed it.

Well, I know the story never linked, but I guess... just have a good laugh, haha.

My next chapter for any random story I have, up in about... 15 hours time from 6pm here(5am US) so watch out for it.

Be sure to look out for it.

So, please review, and tell me how to improve.

Chicken Wings FTW (WTH!)

And, the chillax thing was when my friend suddenly walked in and saw our stressed faces, so he was like "Chillax man! No stress!"

So chillax means chill and relax. Haha.

**theinsanearmy. proboards. com**

Where we all are crazy. Me included.

If you want to join, PM me for the details. It's complicated.

So, goodbye to all you people, and tune in soon!


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